Let's talk about cooking rage.
Cooking rage is a real thing. There's a good chance you'll recognize it when I describe it.
I want to talk about it because when I experienced it earlier this week I discovered a striking parallel between what happened to me as I attempted to cook a healthy meal for my family and what happens to me and to so many of my clients and friends who own businesses when we try to do something we believe will help our businesses grow.
I realized something this week. It turns out that all this time I’ve thought that the “wins” in life, the things worth acknowledging and celebrating, are supposed to be pretty.
I was SO WRONG!!!!
It turns out that some of our biggest wins are hidden in big, messy arguments, somewhere underneath the yelling and the tears. Others are buried in moments of terror, self-doubt and pain. And still more of them are surrounded by everyday frustrations, overwhelm and mess-ups, which is why they’re hard to see, and why it’s hard for so many of us to believe we’ve collected more than a handful of wins throughout our entire lives.
Yesterday I got an email from someone who wanted something from me that I didn’t want to give. She wanted my time.
I have become more and more fiercely protective of my time over the years, but apparently had not yet mastered the art of the effortless no. The moment I read the email subject and knew what the request was, I felt my stomach clench — first because I didn’t want to give time to this particular conversation and second because I knew that I probably would anyway.
I’ve thought about it and have concluded that I spend more time in my head than doing stuff. And that might be a problem.
If you’ve noticed that exciting ideas explode into your mind, and that you even get so far as to map out how to make those visions real, and then you don’t actually implement any of those steps, or you get started and then abandon ship, then this is a problem for you too…
Just a quick heads up--YOU ARE ALREADY OF VALUE. Full stop. End of sentence. No qualifiers.
You do not have to be more productive.
You do not have to earn more money.
You do not have to lose weight.
You do not have to be a better parent.
You do not have to write your book, organize your house or launch your business.
There is NOTHING you have to do right now in order to be a valuable, worthy human being. You do not have to earn your place in this world.
If you've got a Vision, you've almost certainly experienced Vision Panic at some point (and more likely at multiple points). Vision Panic is typically some combination of overwhelm, paralysis, freaking out, crying, deciding to quit, getting angry at innocent bystanders, and attempting to tackle every challenge at once with a momentary burst of superhuman focus and energy that's quickly followed by exhaustion and collapse. The good news is that if you're experiencing anything like this, you're probably climbing one hell of a mountain and birthing one hell of a vision. And, even more good news! I'm going to give you my go-to tool that will help you move through your Vision Panic more painlessly, effectively and quickly, so you can get back to creating...
I had a conversation yesterday with a client, we'll call her Millicent, who has, not one, but multiple fantastic, creative, transformative, BIG visions, and who seems to be growing in doubt and fear the closer she comes to realizing them. That doesn't surprise me, since the farther we get from our comfort zone and what's known and "safe," the more threatened our ego mind becomes, and the more it starts kicking up the volume on all the reasons why we can't do what we're doing, why it's a terrible idea, and why we're going to fail (and end up on the street, and die, if we're really going to follow this path to its logical conclusion).
In the spirit of gratitude to all of the people who have shared their vulnerable moments over the years, and helped me feel less alone and more hopeful in so many areas of my life, I am sharing with you what spilled out of me in a moment (a long moment) of fear and shame and sadness. This is the exchange I had with my ego last week. I hope you find in it something of value to help you through any downward-spiraling moments of your own, if you ever happen to have any...
So a month ago, at 11:30 on a Tuesday night, I suddenly became possessed by the idea that I had to join a gym. (For those of you who know me, "join a gym" was not even close to the phrase you would have expected to follow the words, "I had to." Even I was shocked by the overwhelming pull I was feeling to do this.)
First of all, if you're my dad, you may want to seriously consider not reading the rest of this article. Same goes for you if you're the kind of person who gets squeamish talking about ladies' undergarments.OK, now that that's out of the way--I don't know about you, but I pretty much hate wearing bras. Every once in a while I'll luck into one that fits so comfortably that I forget that I'm wearing it, but most of the time I feel like I'm stuck in a harness that I can't wait to rip off.
Well, my plan was to stay in touch with all of the amazing people in the Place of Joy community, to do it consistently, and to share things I think you’ll value.
I wanted to do this because (1) I have a lot to teach and writing is a great way for me to get it out there, (2) people respond to a lot of what I write about and it seems to make a difference to them, and (3) because the general consensus is that if you stay in touch with your community consistently and provide value, your business will grow.
Let me share with you a conversation I recently had with my six (and-three-quarter) year-old son on our walk home from school:
Me: Would you still love me if I were a zombie?
James: If you didn't eat my brains I would love you. [Thoughtful pause.] I would love the "you" I remember, not the zombie you. If you tried to eat my brains I would throw a jalapeno at you and burn you up.
I thought this was a reasonable response.
My husband agreed, and added this: You see, that's how James is going to make it through the Zombie Apocalypse, he realizes you can't get sentimental.
So what does this have to to with business? I'm glad you asked.